


Every last breath I have (I'll spend with you)

by spoiltmilk



Series: Lovers of the Seasons [2]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff, I think there's gonna be smut, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Not explicitly detailed tho, They Both Die at the End AU, daniel plays basketball, fast burn, just call this every last breath, spring fic, the chapters will be shorter than what i usually write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-06 09:27:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14053926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoiltmilk/pseuds/spoiltmilk
Summary: Daniel carefully watches the way Jihoon laughs and giggles, the way his eyes crinkle up into crescents when he lifts his hand up to cover a smile almost abashedly. He returns it with a shy upturn of the corners of his mouth and reaches out to gently lift Jihoon's hand off his face."Don't. You're the most beautiful person I've ever met. I just wish that we could be given more time together. Months, weeks, days... anything."But they only have an hour left, and it terrifies Daniel to know that he has to let go soon, and it breaks his heart because they both know why.





	1. Something we have in common

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part of the Nielwink starry nights project!! Find us on twt @nwstarrynights

 

 

 

 

_The_ **_spring_ ** _lover;_ **  
**

_The one who was brave enough to love_

_And strong enough to never stop loving._

 

 

 

 

 

**March 22, 2018**

**Park Jihoon**

**12:02 a.m.**

 

When Park Jihoon got the call from Death Cast at twelve a.m. in the morning, he was only a week away from celebrating his 17th birthday. _A week_. He felt the heat simmering beneath his skin, clouding his thoughts as he tried to reign in his anger at Death for not being patient enough to wait another week to collect him. And then-- and then it finally sunk in.

 

The fact that fucking _Death Cast_ was calling him. At twelve in the morning.

 

He shrunk away from his phone like that would help, crawling all the way to the other side of the room with shaky breaths and weak knees.

 

He waited for a moment, then the phone stopped ringing. His heart skipped a beat as for a second-- _just a second--_ he held onto the hope that maybe he wouldn’t die after all. That maybe it had been a mistake. Maybe the Death Cast worker called the wrong number and was now being reprimanded for the mix up, even though Death Cast held an impressive record of never being wrong (a record he was definitely not thankful for now). Maybe Jihoon was the first error in their system.

 

 _Maybe, maybe, maybe_.

 

But then the screen on his phone lit up again and his heart fell, his stomach turned over and he could already taste blood in his mouth, probably from biting down too hard on the inside of his cheek.

 

When he picked up the phone, the caller id burned into eyes, the two words barely registering in his head as he came up with a _thousand_ different ways he could be dying today. Because he _was_ dying today. On the 22nd of March (not a good day to die, nope). He swiped his finger across the bottom of the screen to answer the call then pressed his phone hard against the side of his face.

 

He knew that he should be saying something. Like, at least a “hello” or a “fuck you”, but he couldn’t bring himself to start a conversation with someone he knew wasn’t dying today. The Herald on the other end must’ve expected such a reaction because they didn’t wait for long before they started speaking.

 

“Hello, I’m calling from Death Cast. This is Jisung. You’re Jihoon, am I right?”

 

 _Jihoon_.

 

His name had never sounded so weird coming out someone else’s mouth.

 

“Jihoon, please confirm that this is you. I have a lot more calls to make after this one.”

 

“ _Fuck you_ ,” Jihoon hissed into the phone, pissed off because he had just started a mental list of the things he’d never be able to do-- like have sex with someone when he really felt like _doing it_ , probably wait for the right time to come out to his parents, and he had really, really wanted to start a family of his own. He was pissed off because this fucking Herald didn't even _bother_ trying to disguise how bored he was doing his job. At least he had a job. At least he wasn't gonna die today. 

 

He felt the tears squeeze out the corners of his eyes so he reached up with one hand to wipe them away with the sleeve of his sweater. The Herald only sighed and proceeded to repeat the same question in the same monotonous voice.

 

They always said that after Death Cast came into this world, they made everything better. Because now, you could have funerals where you could be alive, saying your last goodbyes to your friends and families and the people you cared about the most. Because now, you would have a little bit of time to prepare for your impending death, though they never tell you _how_ you were gonna go.

 

But Jihoon had always thought the existence of Death Cast only made this world more bitter for some. Yes, it was nice to know when you’d die (and it was better for the people around you to know as well), but it only made the idea of _death_ more mundane and less… _special,_ somehow.

 

Jihoon felt a breath escape his lips and immediately sealed them close. He had a limited amount of breaths he could take today, and he wasn’t wasting any of them this way.

 

“Park Jihoon, are you still there?”

 

“I know you don’t know me, and you probably don’t care about me, but can you at least  _try_ to sound like you care? I’m _dying today_ ,” he half-whimpered, half-whispered into the phone, “and you probably have another few decades ahead of you. Maybe you’ll live until a ripe old age before fucking Death Cast has one of their Heralds call you and tell you you’re dying, sounding like they really couldn’t care less about losing you. But none of that would matter to you, wouldn't it? Because by then, you’d probably be surrounded by your own family; your children, your nieces and nephews, fuck, I don’t know-- maybe even your grandkids? Doesn’t it bug you that I’m not going to have any of that?”

 

Jisung let him finish before interrupting the few ugly sobs that escaped him.

 

“Jihoon, I know this is hard for you, but--”

 

“I was gonna turn seventeen in a week," he cut in. It was rude, but he thought that this asshole should know.

 

 _Was_.

 

There was nothing but silence on the line, because the Herald probably wasn’t expecting such a violent outburst, or such a loud protest. Clearly, he wasn’t prepared for it. _Probably new to this job_. If Jihoon wasn’t in such a bad position to comfort him for being an asshole and realizing it so belatedly, he would.

 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

 

A beat passed. Then another. Jihoon wondered if he should pull the phone away from his ear to check if the call was still connected.

 

“My son was only sixteen when he passed away.” Jihoon held his breath and tried to quiet himself down to listen despite how fucked up this whole thing was.

 

It was an old habit-- he had faint memories of his late mother reading incredible stories to him every night. Stories that became more and more alive with each and every word she said, with every minute detail or flourish she added where she thought was appropriate. When people told you stories, you have to listen. That was what he had been taught growing up.

 

“But that was a long time ago, before Death Cast came into the picture.” Jisung took in a sharp, painful breath. “It came without warning, and there was nothing I could do to help. He was just-- _gone_. One moment he was there, next to me, and then... If there is a chance-- even the slightest one-- that I could go back in time and make Death Cast exist just so I could spend one final day with him knowing that it would be his last, I'd give up my _everything_ just to take the risks. This might sound a bit asshol-ish, but believe me when I say that you're fortunate enough to have received a warning in advance.”

 

“I’m sorry you lost him," Jihoon tried to force out without stuttering, purposely ignoring the last part of the Herald's little speech.

 

“I feel for you, Jihoon, I really do. But try to cooperate with me here and spend your last day living your life to the fullest, alright? That’s the best revenge anyone can have against Death for snatching you away so early.”

 

And so for the rest of the call, Jisung fell back into his monotonous, I-don’t-give-a-shit mode as he droned on and on about the weather forecast today (sunny for most of the morning, then expected to drizzle in the afternoon, paving way for heavy rain at night) and the list of activities all planned out and specialized for Deckers today. _Deckers_. Jihoon was one of them now. He had a label on him, one that would prevent people (the "living" ones) from coming any closer to him that they had to.

 

On Countdowners, a website where Deckers give live updates on how they're spending the final hours of their lives by posting photos and videos or statuses, the Deckers had always talked about how upset they were with how others treated them. It was as though they were already being labelled as dead people, and while that wasn't entirely wrong, it was still  _rude as fuck_. Even before they reached the finish lines of their lives, they were being forced into another category below everything else: the untouchables. Sounded cool at first, but it was just plain sad. A barrier separating the "living" and the "dead", that was what Death Cast had brought into the world along with their existence.

 

Jihoon used to pity those people as he went through their blog posts. Now he was standing at the wrong side of the divider as well.

 

“Do you understand all of this?”

 

 _Yeah, I do. But I don’t get why I’m dying_. 

 

“I do,” Jihoon replied in curt fashion, hoping that this conversation would end as soon as possible because he could feel another round of waterworks coming his way in immediate future.

 

“You can log onto deathcast.com to fill in any special requests you may have for your funeral in addition to the inscription you’d like engraved on your headstone, unless you want to be cremated, in which case, you can find more information about…”

 

Jihoon didn’t want to have a funeral-- it would just be wasting more of his precious time anyway. He only had three friends, and his family… he drew in a painful breath that burned like ice against the walls of his lungs. It was wrong, but Jihoon had admittedly been thinking about dying before. He just… didn’t expect death to come like this. He didn’t know it would feel like a mouse being cornered, stuck in a small square knowing that any move he made could be the mousetrap that would end his life.

 

Twenty four hours have never felt this short.

 

“Jihoon, are you still there? Do you need any help?”

 

He tried to swallow the lump building in his throat. “No, I’m fine.”

 

“And, Jihoon… on the behalf of everyone here at Death Cast, we are so incredibly sorry to lose you. Live this day to the fullest, okay?”

 

_No, not okay._

 

But because Jihoon was tired, _so tired_ , of everything, he relented.

 

“Okay,” he whispered into the phone, but only after he hung up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

**March 22, 2018**

**Kang Daniel**

**1:30 a.m.**

 

 _I’m a virgin, and I’m going to die a virgin. Fuck_.

 

Daniel slammed the ball onto the ground with a really loud shout in a sudden burst of fury, then immediately regretted it, guilt creeping into his heart and planting itself there. He launched himself into a slow, light jog that was more like fast-walking, really, as he chased after the orange ball.

 

Being a virgin and _dying_ a virgin was definitely not number one on his list of growing worries right now, but it was up there in the ranks. Maybe top five…

 

He shouldn’t have waited. For the right one. He should’ve just… _done it_ with someone he didn’t even feel like doing it with, just for the sake for losing his virginity like every other normal guy in his circle of friends. He shouldn’t have wasted the past few years of his life _waiting_ , only to get a call from Death Cast a little after midnight today, telling him that he will be meeting an untimely death within the next twenty-four hours. He checked his watch. _Twenty- three_ hours. Or less.

 

His funeral was going to be held at ten today, and he wasn’t really sure why his family was so sure he’d live until then. So trusting of him despite knowing that his fate today would be entirely up to Death’s mood.

 

Ten. Plenty of time for him to go insane and regret every single life decision he had ever made.

 

“Park Jihoon’s never going to go out with you, dude. Much less agree to hook up with you,” his friends have told him multiple times before. “But, of course, it’s definitely not because you’re out of his league…”

 

And fucking Park Woojin would chime in, never missing a beat: “It’s _definitely_ because you’re out of his league.” That always earned a laugh from Daniel. He laughed now. There was nothing left for him to do.

 

Daniel sat down against the bleachers and hugged the ball to his stomach, curling over to rest his chin on it.

 

His family had been weird about him wanting-- _needing_ \-- them to send him here. To school. On his End Day, out of all days, out of all places. But Daniel knew that he’d be lugging along a heavy pile of regrets over to the afterlife (assuming it existed) if he didn’t get to come here today.

 

Basketball had been-- still was-- such a huge chunk of his life, it felt weird knowing that it would still resume without him around. Most people had little trinkets they left behind when they died. Volumes and volumes of stories-- _histories--_ behind those things. Things that, when their friends picked them up, would remind them of something. Specific memories that would bring reminiscent smiles to their faces. Laughter, joy… “This was very special to them,” type of moments.

 

Daniel had none of that.

 

His bed, maybe, where he spent most of his time when he wasn’t playing at the court. His computer, but god forbid his family ever go through his browsing history (he never had his _Coming Out_ moment yet, and it would suck really bad if his family had to find out through his porn selection). Maybe his many pairs of disgusting, worn out Jordans?

 

He leaned back as he switched to a more comfortable position, though his grip on the ball remained as tight as ever.

 

He’d have photographs. But those sort of stuff… pictures never meant much to him. Maybe his teammates/coach would pin his picture up on the wall of fame (actually just a shitty, half-rotting board they probably got from Daiso years ago) in their locker room, but then what?

 

They’d introduce Daniel to the newbies, but once his friends graduated, there would be nothing left of him in the place he loved the most.

 

He never thought that he’d die like this.

 

He never thought that he’d be disappearing this quick.

 

Daniel spun the ball on a finger for a few seconds, then threw it across the court like he was pushing away all his worries.

 

But of course, life was never going to be that easy.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

**March 22, 2018**

**Park Jihoon**

**12:49 a.m.**

 

It was almost one in the morning when Jihoon finally made a move for the door, then immediately chickened out.

 

 _This_ could be the reason why he was going to die today. Sneaking out at hell o’clock when god knew who could be lurking in the streets out there, waiting to pounce on their next innocent prey. Granted, he lived in a rather safe neighbourhood, but you could never be too sure.

 

When he turned around to head back to his room, however, his eyes settled on a small figure that was obviously blocking his way back. As creepy as that sounded, it was just his sister, Jihyun. She probably heard Jihoon stumbling around blindly in the dark just a minute ago, trying to gather all the stuff he thought would be necessary before going out. He sat on his knees and spread out his arms with a wide smile, welcoming Jihyun into his tight embrace.

 

She wasn’t _that_ young. Already eleven, but Jihoon and literally everyone else in the family still treated her like a baby. Instead of being pissed off about it like any other pretentious kid in their preteen stage, Jihyun actually _loved_ the extra attention she got every day.

 

“Hey, Jiji, I was just going back to bed,” he said softly, threading his fingers through her silky hair. He hated lying to her, but this was different. This was for her own good.

 

“In these clothes?” she asked skeptically.

 

_Shit._

 

“Fine. You caught me. I just came back from hanging out with my friends, alright? Don’t tell mum and dad please, Jihyunnie… they’re going to _kill_ me if they know.” His clothes weren’t exactly screaming “just went out and had a wild night with my _totally cool friends_!”, but that was the only way he could get Jihyun back in bed without sounding the alarm to his parents. Plus, he was sure Jihyun still didn’t know what ‘going out clothes'looked like, right?

 

“Cut the crap, Jihoon,” she said with a _very_ impressive eye-roll for a kid her age.

 

“Jihyun you are _not_ allowed to curse--”

 

“I heard you. Crying. In your room, with that Death Cast ringtone playing really loudly. You promised me that you would never lie…” She bit down on her bottom lip and started to raise her thumb to her mouth nervously, but Jihoon caught it in his hands first. He looked down, unable to meet her searching eyes. He wasn’t sure how to break it out to his eleven-year-old sister that he was never going to be able to watch her grow up now and do adult things now.

 

Like, graduating into high school and getting her first boyfriend (or girlfriend), suffering through breakups and getting over them (not that he was wishing any on her), trying out for her first plays… probably receiving the prom queen title in her senior year.

 

He was her brother, and he was supposed to help her through all that. He was supposed to be _there_.

 

He hadn't died yet, but he was already feeling gone.

 

“Jihoon… are you dying today?” Jihyun’s voice had never been this shaky and thick with tears, not even when she fell down and broke her front teeth at seven years old, and it was smashing Jihoon’s heart into smithereens.

 

He didn’t know how to say yes, he didn’t want to say yes.

 

He opted for a small, cowardly nod, still focusing on playing with her fingers in his lap, trying _so hard_ to keep from blinking, cause that would apparently help with stopping the tears from coming.

 

“Are you going to come back? If I let you go now…” Her voice was getting softer and softer like she was trying to hide how much she wanted to burst into tears and throw tantrums, too.

 

Jihoon squeezed his eyes shut and braved his small, tiny heart, trying to get it to calm down. He casted a brief, longing look at his sister, then turned to the door behind him. There was no guarantee he’d make it back alive in time for one last goodbye with his family.

 

But he was going to try.

 

“Don’t worry, Jihyun, I’m only going to be out for a little while. If mum and dad ask where I went, tell them I’ll be back by ten.”

 

He stood up and shook off the numbness in his legs, still unable to look at his sister for too long.

 

Jihyun held onto his hand and pulled him closer. She wasn’t strong enough to move him, so he inched closer to her and they stayed like that for what felt like hours, but were only mere minutes. Jihoon only _wished_ he had hours to spare doing nothing but spending time with his little Jihyun. But he didn’t. He had to go out today and just--

 

 _Do something_.

 

Because he’d spent the last few years of his life playing safe, staying safe, and only to reach his End Day this early. He’d survived the last sixteen-- almost seventeen-- years, sure, but doing what?

 

Being alive wasn’t the same as living.

 

And now he was gonna die before he even had the chance to live.

 

“When you walk out that door today, don’t turn around and say bye to me, okay?”

 

He looked at her questioningly.

 

“You can’t say goodbye now, because you’re going to say it later. You’ll come back and see us one last time before you go-- and that’s a promise you can’t break, alright?”

 

He couldn’t say okay.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

**March 22, 2018**

**Kang Daniel**

**1:50 a.m.**

 

His phone was blowing up with messages but just as he felt annoyed enough to scroll through the notifications, he heard the door click open, the sound echoing loud and clear throughout the entire court. His head whipped towards the source of the sound and he found his eyes settling on the last person he thought he’d see today.

 

Daniel scrambled onto his feet so quickly, he almost fell and twisted his ankle while doing so.

 

Apparently, Jihoon was just as shocked to see him as Daniel had been. He stood there frozen, back against the wall, eyes wide like he was some kid who was caught stealing from the cookie jar.

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Jihoon stuttered, “I didn’t know anyone was here.”

 

“How did you get in here?” Daniel asked, hoping that he didn’t sound angry. He wasn’t, not really. It was just that not many people have seen him like this before… in tears. A mess. People were used to seeing him as something like a basketball _god_ , and out of all the people he didn’t want walking in on him sobbing on the floor, Jihoon was the first on the list. But here he was, still staring at Daniel like he couldn’t believe that they were meeting like this.

 

Jihoon visibly gulped with his eyes darting left and right. _Oh god,_ Daniel thought to himself. This kid would never be able to survive an interrogation, even if he wasn’t the culprit or in any way involved in the crime. “I told the security guards that--”

 

He pressed his lips together like he didn’t want to share too much.

 

 _No_. _Not possible_.

 

Daniel walked closer towards the boy, and _then_ he noticed it. The reddish swollen eyes, the bag he was carrying that was stuffed so full it looked as though Jihoon was going on a five day camping trip, the fact that Jihoon was fucking _awake at one in the morning_. At school.  _What kind of sane person would do that? What kind of sane, definitely not dying today, person would wake up at such ungodly hours to fucking go to school?_

 

The answer was simple.

 

No one.

 

But that would mean that Jihoon was dying today, and that wouldn't be possible because-- Daniel couldn't come up with a reason why, but he couldn't comprehend the fact that Jihoon, out of everyone in this school, this world, was going to die today.

 

“I got a call from Death Cast today.”

 

There was an uncomfortable, suffocating silence that enveloped the entire room, snaking slowly into Daniel and filling his lungs up like poisonous gas.

 

_Jihoon is dying?_

 

Daniel had no idea why Jihoon put it that way, in such a nonchalant, matter-of-fact way. He looked pained, saying those words, but _still_.

 

He should go, run out the court without even gathering all his things-- two Deckers staying in the same place, in such close proximity, was basically _begging_ for death to come-- but Daniel found himself rooted to the floor at his own will. There was nothing he had to stay for, no one pleading him to linger around any longer, but he did anyway.

 

He stood there like an idiot and offered a small, understanding smile to Jihoon.

 

“Me, too.”

 

He felt like his heart just got torn into pieces for the second time that day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is gonna be quite short but pls give it all your love and attention (give me all your love and attention c:)
> 
> if you haven't read the winter fic, here's the link for it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13425780/chapters/30767229
> 
> come yell at me on twt @nwspoiltmilk!!! (i have cc so hit me up there as well heheh)


	2. Of reds, oranges and pinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel brings Jihoon miracles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -mentions of suicide in this chp, please be warned
> 
> this chapter is honestly useless I'm bad a fluff so y'all can just skip this whole thing and wait for chp 3

  

 

 

 

 

**March 22, 2018**

**Park Jihoon**

**1:54 a.m.**

 

 _Wow_ , Jihoon thought to himself,  _I'm dying on the same day as Kang Daniel_. He was  _this_ close to turning around and bolting out the court but Daniel was already gesturing to the bleachers, signaling that they should talk there.  _But I don't want to_. His feet betrayed him anyway. He was following closely behind Daniel, just barely avoiding stepping on the back of Daniel's shoes with each step he took-- for some reason, he couldn't slow down today. Maybe it was because he couldn't stop thinking about how he knew that he was running out of time, that he was literally a ticking, breathing time bomb...

 

If he didn't hurry up now, he'd die. But if he did hurry up now, he'd still end up dying anyway. Nice.

 

Jihoon loved having such drastically different options to choose from.

 

"So, Park Jihoon, right? I'm Kang Daniel. In case you didn't--  _don't_ know me," Daniel stuttered a little, red flooding into his cheeks immediately. If Jihoon's mind wasn't already preoccupied with dark, morbid thoughts predicting his own gory death, he'd be thinking that Daniel was cute.  _Daniel_ is _cute,_ he admitted to himself.  _And now I'm going to die with him._

 

He couldn't stop thinking about fucking Death Cast and wishing death upon everyone working there just to let them have a taste of what it was like to be in his shoes right now. They told him to try and enjoy his last day on earth, but how was he supposed to savor the final hours of his life when he was caged and tortured by the thought of his inevitable death?

 

It was Daniel's confused expression that snapped Jihoon back into reality, realizing that it was probably his turn to say something. "I'm Park Jihoon," he introduced himself stupidly, forgetting the fact that Daniel already knew that.

 

Daniel chuckled and smiled like he was amused, but sadness still tugged at the corners of his eyes, not quite letting them crinkle up the way they always used to when he laughed. Not that Jihoon had been silently watching Daniel from the sidelines for three years now, nope. (It was more like four, really). "I know, Jihoon.  _Park Jihoon_." Daniel said his name in a way that made it sound like he was trying to familiarize himself with the two words, as though he was planning on saying them for a long time (not that long, considering they had less than twenty-four hours to live, but  _still_ ).

 

 _Jihoon, stop,_ he chided himself. He really needed to stop making his own life more miserable than it already was.

 

Jihoon broke off their eye contact first because his heart was doing somersaults and yeah,  _not happening_. "March 22nd, huh," he dropped casually, making an effort to dissolve the awkwardness between the both of them. "It's not a really good day to die, is it?"

 

He could see Daniel swallowing hard from his peripheral vision and tried not to wince. Jihoon had always had a knack for making awkward situations even stiffer and painfully...  _awkward_. Reminding someone of their End Day date (and to his crush, no less) was now definitely in the top five of his 'stupid things I've done' list. Jihoon wanted the ground to open up beneath him and swallow him up whole.

 

"I'm sorry, Jihoon," Daniel said to him, turning around to face the younger boy.

 

The latter raised an eyebrow.

 

"No, I mean, you're probably going to think that I'm a creep-- and I promise I'm not-- but, I know that you're a week away from celebrating your birthday and I'm just... sorry that you won't be able to, I guess." Jihoon hoped that the surprise wouldn't show on his face, but judging by how Daniel quickly fixed his eyes on the floor, he probably wasn't very successful with keeping his emotions in check. "So, uh, will it be considered an asshole move if I wish you an advanced birthday wish now?"

 

Jihoon slowly shook his head, letting a small smile play on his lips, and apparently, that was the correct answer because Daniel started beaming, and Jihoon felt as though he just went from being hopelessly stranded in the middle of the sea to... something better at least.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

**March 22, 2018**

**Kang Daniel**

**2:05 a.m.**

Daniel had never been the type to purposely dwell on things that made him unhappy, or things that made  _anyone_ upset. Though right now, at this moment, Daniel genuinely found it hard to tuck the thoughts of Death Cast and End Days and being a Decker at the back of his mind because Jihoon was  _just so sullen and pessimistic_. At least he could tell that it was the right move to bring up Jihoon's birthday. For one, he wasn't obsessively checking the time on his watch anymore, and Jihoon was finally smiling at him like he wanted to, not because he was forcing it to appear polite.

 

"Happy birthday."

 

Jihoon's eyes twitched and his smile faltered for a bit before he ducked his head, pressing both his hands together like he was going to make a wish. His long lashes were fanned out prettily on his skin and it drained every last bit of Daniel's remaining willpower to resist brushing a finger over them to check if they were real. When he was done, their eyes met again and everything about Jihoon seemed less cold and more approachable somehow. "Thank you, Daniel."

 

"Did you make a wish?"

 

"Yeah," Jihoon smirked. "Can't tell you what it is, though, I'm afraid that's taboo."

 

Jihoon was obviously tired and it was made even more obvious by the dark rings that circled his eyes, and how he couldn't seem to stop reaching up to rub away the sleep weighing down on his eyelids every now and then. But he was still beautiful. And Daniel was still as in love with him as he had been for the past year since he first noticed the boy cheering for him every time he managed to nail risky shots worth three points in his games. He recalled being distracted by Jihoon's pretty face and just barely blocking his opponents' attacks as he tried to sneak in a few glances in Jihoon's way (hopefully he wasn't too obvious with his intentions).

 

He almost ruined the entire game for his team but well,  _fuck it_. Jihoon's face was worth missing a shot or two. And  _plus_ , they never lost that game anyway, so Daniel still couldn't fathom why Yoongi, the captain of the team, had been so pissed off with him for getting a  _little_ side-tracked. It wasn't his fault, really.

 

"Not even a hint?" he playfully asked.

 

He wasn't expecting Jihoon to give in that easily, but it  _did_ make him start thinking. "Today, I'm going to live." Before Daniel could ask him what that even meant, Jihoon continued without being prompted to, "I've always been told that being alive wasn't the same as living, and that I should be taking chances and diving straight into the waters I fear the most to actually feel what it's like to  _breathe_. I didn't listen to my friends... and look where that got me now. I'm dying much earlier than they are, and my death won't even be an ending because I don't have a story to end, to pull the curtains over and pat myself on the back, telling myself I've lived well." Daniel saw it coming before it happened-- the slight tremors shaking Jihoon's bottom lip and making his body tremble like a leaf caught in the wind.

 

He was crying.

 

Daniel didn't know what to do, so he did what he  _wanted_ to do. Shyly, his hand crept closer to Jihoon's and he lightly placed his fingers on the back of Jihoon's hand gingerly. He would've never been able to do this, not if he didn't know that today would be his End Day. When it became apparent that Jihoon wasn't going to push him away in the next second, the older guy exhaled, relieved, and held his hand for real.

 

Daniel was going to start crying, too. Because he could already tell that he was gonna regret this.

 

One of them would have to let go first at the end of the day, and if that person turned out to be Jihoon, Daniel didn't want to think about how lonely and bleak this world would become.

 

But he kept going on. Because like Jihoon, he now had less than 24 hours to set his life straight and leave his mark behind.

 

If there was one thing that he was  _certain_ could outlive him, that would be love.

 

"We can start living today," Daniel told him. "I was actually just about to install the Last Friend app on my phone right before you walked in," he laughed. "Glad to know I'm gonna be spending this day with you instead of some stranger who probably won't understand what I'm going through now. What's on your bucket list?" He bit down on his lip, hoping that asking questions continuously will help Jihoon calm down, though he wasn't sure if it was working.

 

"I don't know," Jihoon sniffed. "I'm going to have to go back to tell my family at one point, I guess. I promised my sister that I'd be back by ten..."

 

"You haven't told your family yet?" Daniel asked, his voice raised in surprise. The younger boy didn't respond, but he didn't exactly deny it either. "I have to stop by my home at ten, too. I-- my funeral's gonna be held there. Guess you won't be able to come?"

 

Jihoon fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat. "I'm planning to go back at ten o'clock at night, actually. I know it's stupid to make such a huge gamble with my life, my family, but I'd like to let them see a new me and know that they don't have to worry about me anymore. I want to live out my last day without any regrets and tell my family all about it when I return. So yeah, I can go. To your funeral."

 

Daniel nodded. "Are you sure you won't regret your decision? I'm not going to force you to come if you don't want to. I bet it'll be a bore and a waste of precious time. We can meet up again after that to continue our day, no problem."

 

"Hey, it's the day for taking risks and chances, alright? And I don't want to spend this day second-guessing myself or the people around me. Plus, it'd be pretty cool to attend a funeral; my parents have never let me go to one before. They're really against all things related to death." It was weird to hear that coming out a Decker's mouth especially because Deckers were already considered as  _dead people_. It was just a matter of time and a question of when it would run out for them.

 

"And you're not?"

 

Jihoon managed a small smile and gave Daniel's hand a squeeze, reminding the latter that they still haven't let go of their hold on this small piece they have of each other.

 

"No, I'm not," he promised, looking straight into Daniel's eyes.

 

Daniel squeezed back.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

**March 23, 2018**

**Yoon Jisung**

**4:00 a.m.**

 

Jisung's rule number one was short and sweet and easy:  _Deckers_   _aren't people_.

 

However, he'd broken that rule yesterday; he let himself empathize with this kid-- Park Jihoon-- and now he couldn't stop worrying about him, even though that was stupid-- it was obvious that Jihoon would have already met his unfortunate ending by now. He wondered if this Jihoon went back to sleep the day before, still convinced that he wasn't dying, or if he had died just after the call ended.  _How_ did _he die?_

 

He tried to not think about it. Really, he did. But he couldn't shake off the fact that he had lied to a sixteen year old boy he knew was dying. Jisung didn't have a son.

 

He had a brother. A brother who survived the car accident that might have taken away his ability to walk, but at least he was still alive and breathing, all set for the exciting prospect of going to college in a few months, a luxury Jihoon would never be given. The first thing Jisung did when he returned home was to check on his brother, who was lying fast asleep on his bed, looking peaceful with a smile playing on his lips. Jisung wanted to shake him awake and celebrate the fact that they both still had an extra day to live, but it'd be cruel to wake him.

 

He maneuvered himself around their small apartment, getting himself ready for bed as well.

 

Unlike the thousand other people who were out there in the streets right now, freaking out about the time they were running out of, Jisung still had another day, maybe more. Maybe a week, maybe a month. Years.

 

Jihoon reminded him of all the turns he had left for his hourglass, and if he really wanted to  _live_ , he was going to have to stop moping around mourning the dead.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

**March 22, 2018**

**Kang Daniel**

**2:47 a.m.**

 

It took a fairly long time for them to get their asses out the court to brave their school's hallways that looked _way_ too haunted for him to be comfortable with. They weren't holding hands anymore and Daniel couldn't remember why or who was the one who let go first, but Jihoon was still next to him and that was all that mattered. No,  _family comes first_ , he told himself sternly. But he had spent his whole life living with his family and he only had a day with Jihoon. And Jihoon  _chose him_ despite the big flashing DANGER sign plastered all over him.

 

That must mean something, right?

 

"Where to now?" he asked, looking at the lockers that were arranged neatly against the walls. The silver glow of the moonlight poured into the hallway through the small box-like windows above the lockers, making the whole scene seem more romantic than it needed to be.

 

"I don't know," came Jihoon's immediate response, the boy sounding like he'd already given up despite the big talk he made just minutes ago promising that he'd finally enjoy life today. "It's still early and I don't know... I don't feel like walking out and being reminded of all the ' _lasts'_  I'm gonna experience today."

 

" _Lasts?"_

 

Jihoon nodded, suddenly collapsing to the floor in a less than graceful way, totally not giving a single fuck about it. He pressed himself up against a random locker and folded himself up into a ball on the ground.

 

 _Okay_ ,  _so, if I'm really going to spend today with you, you're going to have to_ try _to stop being so forlorn and miserable about our situation_.  _I understand your grief, really, I do, but this isn't the 'living' you were talking about earlier. This is being resigned and practically handing your fate over to Death and telling them to do whatever they want to with it._

 

Daniel wanted to say that aloud to Jihoon, but then he realized that the younger boy wasn't crying, nor was he just staring listlessly at the floor like a broken doll, like Daniel had expected him to. Jihoon was dozing off and while Daniel couldn't fully grasp how the former could actually fall asleep at a time like this, he couldn't exactly blame the boy either. After all, Jihoon was probably just like him the night before-- staying up late the entire time, alternating between playing games on his laptop and phone, definitely not expecting the call from Death Cast a few minutes after the hands on the clock ticked their way into the next day.

 

Wordlessly, he folded himself obediently beside Jihoon. "We can stay here for a while, but promise me it won't be for too long?" he asked nervously.

 

"Don't worry, I'm not planning on staying here for the whole day. I'm just...  _tired_. Can we talk? I wanna try and distract myself."

 

"Is it fine if you do the talking first?" Jihoon didn't reply so Daniel took that as him being too tired to mutter a soft  _yes_. "What do you mean by ' _lasts'?_ Are they like... firsts but lasts instead?"

 

Daniel relaxed a bit when he realized that he'd just eased a laugh out of the guy. Sounded like the fucking tinkling of bells. "I made up this list of things I'd miss when my family moved here when I was just seven. It was just this...  _huge_ compilation of all the last things I'd do before we leave the place. I forgot all about the list until two-- no,  _three--_ years ago, when my mum was pressuring me to go through my old box of stuff I never really bothered with. I was thirteen then. Fucking emotional and all that. And to make things worse, I was having some big problems with one of my closest friends. Whenever things got too hard for me, I'd dive back into my list and remind myself of all the things I'd miss if I were gone. If I were to go..."

 

"You're talking about--"

 

"Yeah, I know."

 

He turned to look at Jihoon's face, eyes tightly shut, lips pressed together in a thin line. Chest rising up and down, up and down... Daniel wanted to reach out and hold his hand again, but Jihoon looked so at peace, as though he was thinking hard, that he decided against it in the end.

 

"There were so many things on the list, all weird and random and out of the blue. Cause I'd bring it with me everywhere, and jot down ideas whenever they pop into my head. It's unorganized and messy and makes me feel disoriented at times, but it reminds me of the little things that make my day. S'like... an anchor. The items in that list are like rocks in my pockets, weighing me down so I don't float away."

 

"Cause it's really the little things that matter," Daniel found himself saying, sharing Jihoon's sentiment. The latter smiled and Daniel knew that it was for him even though Jihoon hadn't bothered to open his eyes.

 

"The first sip of hot chocolate in the mornings when it's cold outside and I'm all curled up in bed, bundled up in blankets," Jihoon started to say, and Daniel had to resist the sudden mad urge he felt to let out a string of indecipherable words, melting into the ground beside Jihoon. Because the picture he had in his mind of the boy all wrapped up in layers upon layers was so fucking cute, it should be illegal. He wanted to shout and punch a wall and kiss him. Or maybe just do the last thing, that would be fine as well.

 

"All my favorite books, the ones that have helped me through difficult times. The smell of earth after rain. Putting a smile on people's faces with just a simple "good morning". Sunsets and sunrises.  _Especially_ sunrises."

 

"I take it you're a morning person?"

 

"There's just something about mornings that make me feel wanted. Waking up early to watch the sunrise has become one of my habits ever since I moved here. I can't believe that I'll be living out my last morning  _today_. It feels like I'm leaving a lot behind, and I'm not even the one who chose to die." And just like that, the tension in the air thickened again and Daniel grew anxious. He didn't want to, but he was starting to doubt his decision of choosing to stay beside Jihoon this entire day. He  _wanted_ more than anything to be able to stay, but he also needed to be guaranteed enough time left in his life to reach his family first.

 

It wasn't as though staying far, far away from Jihoon would grant him immunity from death, but at least the chances of him surviving for a few more hours would be higher than if he were to spend the day with another Decker.

 

But Jihoon had already made his choice. And Daniel knew that he wouldn't be able to live with it ( _hah)_ if he left the boy alone now. If Jihoon was willing to take the risks, he was gonna have to grow a pair and live up to his unsaid promise as well.

 

He took out his phone and nudged Jihoon with his shoulder lightly. "Hey, look at this." He tapped on the red and white play icon to open up youtube and typed in what he hoped would help.

 

Soon, they were watching the first orange hued rays of sunshine break through a dusty purple-blue haze like the video had been filmed in slow-mo. Then,  _then_ , it happened. The trees looked like they were wearing golden crowns atop their green heads, and the pinks traced the edge of the moving clouds like really light cotton candy. The sun filled the sky with its mighty control over the reds as it rose higher and higher, drowning the both of them in an overwhelming sea of colors through a mere phone screen. And for once, Daniel could finally see why people woke up extra early just to watch this. Maybe it was because he was dying today, but he was really starting to see the beauty in everything. It was sad that he'd been missing out on this his whole life, but maybe it was a good thing that he learned to appreciate something he had always taken for granted on his last day.

 

It was three in the morning and he was watching the sunrise with Park Jihoon, and for the first time in a while, it really felt like everything would be okay.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

**March 22, 2018**

**Park Jihoon**

**3:02 a.m.**

 

It was three in the morning and he was watching the sunrise with Kang Daniel. It hadn't even been long since they started talking and yet, Kang Daniel had already managed to bring miracles into his life.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow I'm startin to think this will be longer than 5 chapters? crapppp
> 
>  
> 
> twitter: @nwspoiltmilk  
> <3


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